Saturday, January 07, 2012

Guest Review: Dolphin Erection Arouser

Editor's Note: I don't normally do this, especially since this submission is intended to be serious, but today I received a guest review from a dolphin, and I felt the issues addressed were important enough to post this review of the Dolphin Erection Arouser.
Dear Editor,

I know you write a humor site, and it's not that I take issue with comedy -- but I have a serious issue with this so-called Dolphin Erection Arouser.

In my photo, it might look like I'm smiling, but I'm not. That's just what dolphins look like. Dolphins are not only supposed to have great big "smiles", they are supposed to have great big "erections." The lady dolphins, I daresay, have become accustomed to it.

And I'm not smiling because 1) I'm not fucking Shamu, and 2) I have Erectile Dysfunction.

So, imagine my delight when, after clicking on a link to my favorite comedienne's sex toy store, I discovered the Dolphin Erection Arouser.

But, oh, wait. "Made of jelly material, this ring is stretchy to fit all sizes. The small jelly animal tickles your clit."

"Jelly material" -- sure, fine. As a lonely single dolphin ... from time to time, I've been known to pummel a jellyfish.

"Stretchy to fit all sizes" -- really, now? I am a dolphin. Is your product prepared for a two-foot-long limp dolphin cock, you goddamn false-advertising Swedes?

"The small jelly animal tickles your clit" -- I HATE YOU. I DON'T HAVE A CLIT. I AM A MALE DOLPHIN TRYING TO ACHIEVE A FUCKING ERECTION AND YOU ARE NOT HELPING!

I HATE YOU. NO, I MEAN, I FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU SPECIESIST SWEDISH SEX-TOY CUNTS. I'D FUCKING RAPE YOU UNDERWATER IF I COULD GET A GODDAMN ERECTION!

Sincerely,
A Dolphin

Click to buy!

53 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have used this dolphin sex toy arouser and i have to say it is the best sex toy i have used yet. Great product!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Better Sex said...

Just thought this might be something your readers would be interested in.

Bettersex.com is forming a team of 20 Elite Product Reviewers to form the Better Sex Buzz Team.

The Better Sex Buzz Team is an elite team that will receive FREE Adult Sex Toys, adult Movies and other fun products shipped to them for review. They will also receive special offers from bettersex.com, be in the tight knit circle of new products that we will be offering and be branded as a Better Sex VIP throughout bettersex.com.

Better Sex Buzz Team

bliss` said...

this was a GREAT read... i am gonna add it to my site and hopefully one day i will get to try one too lol!

hope to read more great stuff soon!
the Happy Housewife

Bostick said...

That is fucking retarded. Id try it out though.

Anonymous said...

www.adultsextoysforcouples.com
adultsextoysforcouples.com

Sex Toys said...

Hey, can't hurt to give it a try once, right? haha..

Dr.Ursula Dr.Ursa said...

Difficulty in achieving orgasm along with decline in sex drive is a common side effect of medications such as Xanax. Men under the prescription of anti-depressants are constantly searching for a safe and natural way of improving their desire for sex http://www.viagrathunder.com

kayal said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Discount Dolphin Vibrators said...

discount dolphin vibrator sex toys can be purchased at PLEASUREVIBEZ.com, America's Adult Sex Toys Store Leader. Buy from a trusted online discount sex toys leader.



The dolphin vibrators are great to stimulate your clitoris. However, there are some with a rotating shaft vibrator that will stimulate your G-Spot at the same time.


Search Results For: 'dolphin vibrator'
Listing Sort Page 1 of 1

PD1620-14
Krystal Dolphin vibrator

Krystal Dolphin vibrator


PD1328-14
Dual G-Spot Dolphin vibrator

Dual G-Spot Dolphin vibrator


PD1344-14
Waterproof Mini-Flex Dolphin vibrator

Waterproof Mini-Flex Dolphin vibrator


CNVEF-ESE-0539-12-2
Waterproof Vibro Dolphin

Waterproof Vibro Dolphin


CNVEF-ESE-1090-20-3
Girls Best Friend - Tickling Dolphin

Girls Best Friend - Tickling Dolphin





PD1722-14
Deep Sea Waterproof Dolphin Vibrator Sex Toy

Deep Sea Waterproof Dolphin Vibrator


NW1971
Pure Vibes Blue Silicone #71

Pure Vibes Blue Silicone #71


NW1839-2
The Daring Dolphin Purple

The Daring Dolphin Purple


SE0697-10
Impulse Diva Dolphin

Impulse Diva Dolphin


CNVELD-SE0569-12
Gyrating beaded dolphin

Gyrating beaded dolphin

CNVMBS-Dolphin-Vibrator-Twiste
Deluxe Blue Twister Dolphin Vibrator

Deluxe Blue Twister Dolphin Vibrator


NW1839-1
The Daring Dolphin Blue

The Daring Dolphin Blue

Discount dolphin sex toys at PLEASUREVIBEZ.com


G Spot Sex Toys

sextoys said...

sextoys and more at america's favorite sextoy shop Pleasurevibez.com


the dolphin sex toy
dolphin vibrator
save the dolphins

Sex Toys Canada said...

Maybe it doesn't suit everybody, but it tickles me ;)

Lucy Lipenna said...

I got to get one of those, hehehe. A great article can't wait to see more!

That dolphin seems like a great sex toy to have.

mollyabraham said...

Generic Viagra is an oral treatment drug that has been developed to combat erectile dysfunction. The fundamental ingredient within the product is sildenafil, which essentially serves to work within the body, through the improvement of the blood supply into the penis, thus along for firmer, longer lasting erections.

reggiewhite said...

Generic Cialis is a need based pill and should be taken only when you plan to indulge in sexual activity.

johnnysmith said...

Generic Cialis is consumed orally and has quickly become one of the most prescribed medications. Generic Levitra has been clinically proven to improve erectile function, even in men who had other health factors, like high cholesterol, high blood pressure, or diabetes

Strap Ons said...

This is sooo cute :D and it got cute name too :)

Anonymous said...

Okay, "rape you underwater"? That's offensive. Although it is true for all male dolphins, it is offensive. I won't be returning to this blog again.

Anonymous said...

This is definitly one of the better sex toys out there. Worth a try!

Anonymous said...

It's amazing that there are so many adult toys that use the dolphin design. Even today there are new adult toys coming out that use this classic shape.

Anonymous said...

You can get low priced sex toys you should check it out. www.hotspotadultstore.com

Anonymous said...

There are alot of great adult stores on the internet know you just have to find one you like.

Pleasure Sex Toys said...

Diving
dolphin
This is great! tight fit, almost tooo tight, but put it on with some lube and you and your girl will be in pleasure land in moments!! A++ wish it came in purple, pink, and red.

Anonymous said...

Diving
dolphin

sex toys said...

A sex toy is an object or device that is primarily used to facilitate human sexual pleasure

toys for sex said...

For self-pleasure, find a household vibrator that works for you.

Phone Sex said...

Really you have done a good job. The written style is very prompt and the highly practical manners. So fruitful for us

Phone Sex said...

It is a terrifying sensation to know that you want something that you consider unusual.

sexyamystar said...

I'd love to have this for my boyfriend. I DO have a clit :)

sexyamystar said...

Hahaha... very funny in deed. Dolphins are mamels right? So he could tickle his tits at least, with the errector.

Sex Toys & Sexy Lingerie @ Sinful Thrills the UKs finest Online Adult Toy Store said...

An erection arouser that doesn't? Great product then... :P

sex toys said...

this was a good read, you have a good point

KINGLon said...

I have used this dolphin sex toy arouser and i have to say it is the best sex toy i have used yet. Great product! :D

Anonymous said...

Buy now Sex Toys at www.papiandmami.com

Check out the:

Bswish - bnaughty deluxe

Bnaughty deluxe is designed to pander to your deepest whim with it compact and modern oval shape.

24SexMovie said...

Indian Bangla Hot Desi 3x Sex Xxx 3gp mp4 HD Video Free Download


»------------> HD - European Sex (137)


»------------> HD- Cumshot Sex (107)


»-----------> HD - Blowjob Sex (311)


»------------> HD - Hot Sites (Ads)


»------------> HD - Sex In Office (762)


»------------> HD - Teen Sex (277)+7


»-------------> HD - Pornstar Sex (910)+10


»-------------> HD - Lesbian Sex (223)+22


»------------> HD - Hardcore Sex (386)


»-------------> HD - European Sex (137)


»-------------> HD - Cumshot Sex (107)


»-------------> HD - Blowjob Sex (311)


»-------------> HD - Big Tits Sex (334)


»-------------> HD - Hot Sites (Ads)


»-------------> HD - Sex In Office (762)


»-------------> HD - Teen Sex (277)+7


»-------------> HD - Pornstar Sex (910)+10


»-------------> HD - Lesbian Sex (223)+22


»-------------> HD - Hardcore Sex (386)


»--------------> HD - European Sex (137)


»--------------> HD - Cumshot Sex (107)


»--------------> HD - Blowjob Sex (311)


»--------------> HD - Big Tits Sex (334)


»--------------> HD - Big Dick Sex (243)


»-------------> HD - Hot Sites (Ads)


»-------------> HD - Sex In Office (762)


»-------------> HD - Teen Sex (277)+7


»-------------> HD - Pornstar Sex (910)+10


»-------------> HD - Lesbian Sex (223)+22


»-------------> HD - Hardcore Sex (386)


»-------------> HD - European Sex (137)


»-------------> HD - Cumshot Sex (107)


»-------------> HD - Blowjob Sex (311)


»--------------> HD - Big Tits Sex (334)


»--------------> HD - Big Dick Sex (243)


»---------------> HD - Asian Sex (148)






ENJOY
»--------------> HD - 24sexmovie.com (148)
»………… /´¯/)
……….,/¯../ /
………/…./ /
…./´¯/’…’/´¯¯.`•¸
/’/…/…./…..:^.¨¯\
(‘(…´…´…. ¯_/’…’/
\……………..’…../
..\’…\………. _.•´
…\…………..(
….\…………..\.

Elizabeth west said...



Looking for an adult shop somewhere Bradenton to buy sex toys for your sexual pleasure? you can find here huge range of Adult Toys For Women . XTC Supercenter Bradenton - Adult Store can be your better destination in order to buy any kind of sex pleasing stuff such as vibrator, lingerie

Brian Brun said...



Nowadays sex toys and erotic books have become the major parts of the sexual life as millions of people have been using different types of sex toys and erotic books. As we know that sex toys have many benefits as well as you can achieve ultimate sexual plesure by using the sex toys. You are never going to catch any kind of sexually transmitted inferctions if you use sex toys. So what are you waiting buy Fifty Shades Of Grey Books and choose your favorite sex toys to buy at XTC Bradenton .

Garry Smurt said...


Want to buy any kind of sexy lingerie or you might want to Buy Fifty Shades Of Grey Toys In Bradenton . You can't find the better shop than XTC Supercenter Bradenton - Adult Store. Here you can buy fifty shades of grey sex toys, erotic books like fifty shades of grey, lubricants and sex toys. All these sex product are available at reasonable price.

Rachel Moore said...



Want to buy the whole series of fifty shades of grey erotic book or another sex stuff such as vibrator, lubricant, massagers, lingerie and sex toys? You can go at XTC Adult Supercenter : Buy Vibrators In Bradenton . You can also purchase Massagers In Bradenton.

Babs Black said...





Nowadays sex toys have become the major part of human's sexual life as there are many benefits of using these sex toys. If you are about to buy any kind of sexual stuff such as lingeries, lubricant or sex toys or even erotic books you can purchase at XTC Adult Supercenter bradenton. You can alsi purchase Vibrators In Bradenton at very affordable price.

Mak Antony said...





It is scientifically proved that orgasm reduces the anxiety and stress and that’s what sex toys does. sex toys help to get rid of stress and anxiety and also helps to increase intimacy in your life and makes sexual life happier. So if you too want to have ultimate sexual pleasure by using sex toys then you should visit at XTC Supercenter Bradenton. you can Buy Vibrators in Bradenton as well as different category of sex toys.

sara wilson said...



if you weant to have spicy sex life with your partener or without sex partner you then you need to have sex toys in your life as these toys have many benefits. To have benefits of sex toys you can visit at XTC Adult Supercenter and you can Buy Pleasure Toys In Sarasota adult super center.


sara wilson said...



if you weant to have spicy sex life with your partener or without sex partner you then you need to have sex toys in your life as these toys have many benefits. To have benefits of sex toys you can visit at XTC Adult Supercenter and you can Buy Pleasure Toys In Sarasota adult super center.


Sasha Denote said...

(Buy Fifty Shades Of Grey Books In Sarasota) Are you living somewhere in Bradenton sarasota and you want to purchase erotic book such as Fifty Shades Of Grey Books which is one of the best erotic book selling. Buy Fifty Shades Of Grey book In Sarasota and have fun in by reading this book.

gora watson said...



XTC Adult Supercenter Sarasota
Sex toys can enhance sexual performance as well as this will also spice up your sexual life. For example, using a vibrator on a woman's clitoris when a man is performing oral sex can often bring her to heights of ecstasy she has never known. Also, using a vibrator on a man's anus or balls while performing fellatio on him can leave him in a post-coital bliss unlike he's ever known. Visit xtc superstore For buying PassionToys

Narendra-thatspersonal said...

Very good write-up. I certainly love this website. Thanks!
sex toys in india || online condoms || cock ring || sex vibrator

Passional Love Toys Online Sex Toys India said...

The toy looks beautiful and nicely written indeed. Discover many such wonderful sex toys in Kolkata with fancy make, design and cheap prices.

Artificial Sex Toys said...

Nice read. Brilliant invention and fancy sex toys for men. This helps for quick erection.

Fanta Sex Toys said...

A whole range of innovative sex toys in delhi can be yours with just a few clicks. From dirt cheap rates to confidential policies, you get everything from the comfort of your home.

Fantasy Love Toys said...

Great! This looks awesome. These collections are easily available online under the category of sex toys in Delhi.

Fashion Love Toys said...

Good review. This sex toys for men is so unique and is so reasonable priced. 100% discreet shopping from your convenience.

Hot Sex Toy India said...

Thanks for shelling out time and sharing the review. Get rare sex toys in Kolkata for low price from online shop.

SexToyInIndia said...

Very informative. There is a science behind how this Dolphin-erection-arouser helps in erection. Buy sex toys in Delhi with no hassles, from the comfort of your home and get doorstep delivery.