Friday, December 23, 2011

Review: Crystal Clear Doll

The Crystal Clear Doll is in inflatable woman with a flesh-toned head but a transparent body -- all the better to see your own penis in action! I must admit that most regular women chronically get their own naked bodies in the way of this (undoubtedly breathtaking) view.

I'd like to go through the doll's promotional blurb line-by-line:
If it's true that men are more susceptible to visual arousal than women, he'll love Crystal.
Don't you mean "If it's true that men are more susceptible to being visually aroused by the sight of their own penises"?
She's our amazing see-through sex doll...
Well, technologically speaking, she's not that amazing. No more so than when you buy some rain boots or a new gun from Wal-Mart and you blow the bag up, draw a kissy-face on it with Magic Marker, and hump that shiznit. Yes, amazing!
...complete with three ready and willing holes.
I think all love dolls these days come with three holes. While some people are offended by the sexual use of one or more of the three referenced orifices, those people are not generally among the consumers of inflatable love dolls. I think the overlap in that Venn Diagram would be virtually nil. ("I want a love doll, but not a dirty whore love doll! Why don't you make single-orifice love dolls with their eyes shut so they can think about God? I'm writing to my Congressman, you pervert three-holed, open-eyed, whore-love-doll manufacturers!")
Enjoy her beautifully painted hair and face...
Because enjoying a doll's beautifully painted hair and face is very heterosexual. Do you also "enjoy" the frilly petticoats on the porcelain Mary, Queen of Scots doll you ordered from a full-page ad in Parade magazine?
...then watch the rest of the action as you see your cock pump in and out of her body.
Oh, I get it ... that's the heterosexual part.
It's crystal clear that this doll will give you hours of sensual pleasure.
At least that's better copywriting than the Titty Blow Masturbator got.


Click here to buy!

Look at her! Wasn't there some kind of movie in which this happened to Kevin Bacon?

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Hey, I saw this, I thought it was pretty amazing. Who would have thought that the pinnacle of man's technological progress would be the humble blow up doll? Neeaayy, I don't think so; we all know it's stolen alien technology, it all is. You can't fool me, I've seen the blow up E.T doll...

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