Friday, February 10, 2012

Review: Butt Banger

For the first time here on SarcasticSex.com, I am reviewing a gay male-themed toy, gifted with the stereotype-defying name "Butt Banger."

When I first beheld this object I had a hard time parsing its anatomy, which is never a good sign with a sex toy. For a handheld device, the orifice seems precariously tiny, which, if your $26.75 is supposed to get you multiple uses of the Butt Banger, likely indicates that the entire thing is very stretchy. Could be good, though; perhaps other portable anuses simply aren't elastic enough.

No no, the perplexing thing about the Butt Banger is that, when rendered as a handheld masturbation sleeve, the torso, buttocks, and thighs of a man bent over for rear entry look rather like a giant cock and balls, with the torso being the shaft and the buttocks being the balls and ... it's like a giant fractal! Like snowflakes and snail shells, portable anal masturbators are truly part of the wondrous web of nature's majesty. In fact, I might go so far as to say that the Butt Banger is proof of intelligent design! Who but a crafty god could have had a hand in this?

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