Friday, February 10, 2012

Review: Butt Banger

For the first time here on SarcasticSex.com, I am reviewing a gay male-themed toy, gifted with the stereotype-defying name "Butt Banger."

When I first beheld this object I had a hard time parsing its anatomy, which is never a good sign with a sex toy. For a handheld device, the orifice seems precariously tiny, which, if your $26.75 is supposed to get you multiple uses of the Butt Banger, likely indicates that the entire thing is very stretchy. Could be good, though; perhaps other portable anuses simply aren't elastic enough.

No no, the perplexing thing about the Butt Banger is that, when rendered as a handheld masturbation sleeve, the torso, buttocks, and thighs of a man bent over for rear entry look rather like a giant cock and balls, with the torso being the shaft and the buttocks being the balls and ... it's like a giant fractal! Like snowflakes and snail shells, portable anal masturbators are truly part of the wondrous web of nature's majesty. In fact, I might go so far as to say that the Butt Banger is proof of intelligent design! Who but a crafty god could have had a hand in this?

As in the case of the Titty Blow Masturbator, in which the breasts have been scaled down in order to be conveniently affixed to the lower chin, the Butt Banger features a scaled-up set of "teasing balls and penis for incredible stimulation," bent backwards from the tiny headless body so as to rub you the right way.

So, if you fantacize about having anal intercourse with a Lilliputian, removing his internal organs and replacing them with lube, and then filling up his entire headless body with your penis, this toy is for you!



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