Review: Titty Blow Masturbator

"Vaginas, Pocket Pals & Dolls" may sound to you like a Broadway musical, but it is actually a product category in the Sarcastic Sex Toy Store.

Like the Blueberry Tart Jelly Pocket Tush, this product promises to disembody a body part you never before realized could stand alone. Like an anus with a power pack, the Titty Blow Masturbator looks much like a cloning experiment conducted under questionable ethical guidelines, except with a special place reserved for your member.

Now, when I hear the phrase "titty blow," I, like any decent young woman, think about doing coke off someone's bosoms.

However, in this contest, "titty blow" refers to the "blow job" you will be receiving from this silicone facsimile mouth. The "titties" are smushed up against, and attached to, the mouth, to create the ecstasy-inducing sensation of extra chunks of plastic somewhere in the vicinity of your testicles.

In order to maintain the portability of this device, it seems that the "titties" have been scaled down to a fraction of their normal size, while retaining their spherical shape, so if you enjoy women who, under the right circumstances, would be able to swallow their own breasts whole, the Titty Blow Masturbator is for you.

The product description -- finely hand-crafted by a copywriter living in a special group home -- boasts "Just shove your dick over the titties and pass the jelly gums, look out titty toy here I cum."

I don't know about you, but I'd like to see more erotic product phraseology containing the phrase "jelly gums." That gets me every time.
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