Friday, March 18, 2011

Review: Fist of Adonis

The Fist of Adonis is notable in that it is not immediately identifiable by most people as a sex toy at all. It looks more like a prop for a low-budget horror film; strew a few of these and an occasional disembodied vagina on your front lawn, bring out the fake blood, and you have the beginning of a direct-to-video release.

The Fist of Adonis is a life-size rubber hand and arm.

That's it.

The description reads:
"Made to feel like the real thing. Crafted from an actual human hand, it is made of firm rubber. We recommend lubricant."
Yes, "we recommend lubricant." Because once you lube this puppy up and insert it into the body cavity of your choice, ecstasy will surely ensue!
Click to buy!

I was wondering why this is the fist of Adonis, specifically, instead of some male porn star, so I did some googling and came up with:
Adonis is a complex figure, for the outlines of his tale were fully part of Greek mythology, yet he also retains associations with his Semitic origins. The name "Adonis" is a variation of the Semitic word "Adonai", which means "lord", and which is also one of the names used to refer to YHWH in the Old Testament.
You could try taking the Fist of Adonis door-to-door to see if anyone would like to be fisted by God.

This product also creates the rather unfortunate impression that the correct way to fist someone with your actual, human arm is by forming a fist and then punching.

If there were fisting in Grand Theft Auto, I'm sure that's how it would go, but most non-video-game sex partners prefer a less violent approach.

I am also happy to report that this product comes in both "Ivory" and "Black." Long gone are the days that black people had access only to Ivory Fists of Adonis. Truly, our society has moved forward.

19 comments:

Cindy said...

I somehow stumbled onto your site. While I tend to be somewhat conservative in my toy selection, I do work for a large adult toy and video company(adam&eve and vidmail.com). Every day I go to work and look at piles upon piles of digital images shot from current films. As a young relatively vibrant lesbian, I find that most of the companies selling sex toys are male oriented and are derived from the male point of view. Either that or some woman who has never had one of her creations up her vagina. As far as I see it Fist of Adonis seems more to me to be a gag gift that would end up on someone's coffee table at a halloween party. For a much more creative touch one of my favorite sites is www.divine-interventions.com.

misterniceguy1960 said...

Reminds me of the old poster that shows a fist rising, "Black Power"-style, from an unzipped fly, with the caption "Power to the Penis".

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Anonymous said...

Crafted from an actual human hand...

Um. Ew?

Anonymous said...

Wow, someone left a real comment! (well I think cindy's was probbly real too, but than everyone else was just trying to point to something). I am frightened by the idea of some poor person trying to drive themselves to the emergency room with this wedged in tight. Somehow I don't think you could sit down to drive. BTW, your blog is very funny and I bookmark it :).

Anonymous said...

actually I have one of these, and i do use it quite a lot, although i must admit it isnt for beginners(i used chloes fist of fury first) but once my ass was used to it i can slip it in and out quite happily, and it still gives me a great rush each time, my only problem now is....wot next

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